What Comes Of AP English
by Honey.Dew Mellon
Summary: The new home for this story. Crackfic, Read At Own Peril This is what happens when three highschoolers have a laptop and are discussing the Great Gatsby, and then get distracted by fanfiction. And Doctor Who. Oneshot.


**Welcome to the beginning of it all, "What Comes Of AP English". This is what happens when prestigious students in an advanced English class decide to search for slash fiction for the Great Gatsby, and someone vehemently disapproves, and we all get distracted by a sonic screwdriver. This is our retaliation.**

 **Disclaimer: None of us own the Great Gatsby, or any version of the Doctor, although we would all like our own Christopher Eccelston, David Tennant and Matt Smith to keep in our closets. Or our basements. Either works, really. We don't really care at this point.**

 **We do not take responsibility for any trauma or mental scaring of any kind, as well as injuries from ROFLing. We do, however take great pleasure in announcing our stories have the ability to produce WTF? moments. If at any time you feel the need to scratch your eyes out, or administer brain bleach, please see a mental health professional and take this as a piece of evidence. You will need it.**

 **Author's Note below.**

Gatsby was being sad about Daisy. He was so sad. All the time. Just so fucking sad.

Then the Doctor showed up with his fucking awesome sonic sunglasses. "Hey, do you want to relive the past (or however that quote went)?"

"Hell motherfucking yeah." Jay said, and then they hopped in the TARDIS.

They got ice cream. Then they went to find Daisy. Because Jay was unhealthily obsessed with blonde's named after flowers.

"Why the fuck are you so old?" Daisy asked.

"Because reasons. But I'm super fucking rich so…"

"I don't give a fuck. Daisy out." Then she did a sick skateboard trick and left.

"NOOOO," Gatsby cried, still eating his ice cream.

"Sucks to suck bro." Said the doctor.

"Old Sport will mend my heart."

"Alright bro. You do you." And they went back in time (but first they saw Empire Strikes back in the theaters because WHO SAW THAT PLOT TWIST COMING? NOT THE GREAT GATSBY THAT'S WHO).

"Old Sport!" Gatsby yelled, jumping out of the TARDIS. The Doctor followed, because he was super fucking bored. And old. How old is he at this point, 50 000 years?

"Yes?" Nick asked, dumping yet another girl over text. "What up my homeboy?"

Nick spoke like this because he was in fact, the original fuckboy. The phase was coined in 1929, when a person looked upon Nick Carraway's face and it came to her, as if delivered by angels themselves (specifically the angel of Thursday, because Thursday rules (And CASTIEL!)).

"I think I'm gay for you," Gatsby cried.

"I'm very happy for you too, bro. You have a sick house."

"See what happened there?" The Doctor popped another piece of popcorn into his mouth. "Do you see?" He made a finger gun.

"No, I mean I'm homosexual for you," Gatsby clafired.

"Oh.' Nick was taken aback by the news. "Just give me a sec, I need to check Bloom's reference library to see if I'm homosexual back." And so the Doctor and Gatsby played cards while Nick read a bunch of scholarly articles written on the Great Gatsby. After a few hours, Nick came to the conclusion that he probably was, in fact, homosexual for Gatsby. Or maybe ace for Gatsby. Or bi. So there was a short trip to visit F. Scott Fitzgerald to figure out what the hell was going on, but he was too busying placing his wife in asylums and they never found out.

"You know what, fuck F. Scott Fitzgerald. How much does authorial intent even count for?" Nick declared, grabbing Gatsby.

Upon seeing this scene, the Doctor put the words 'gay' and '1920's' together, and ran off to find Jack Harkness, leaving the two lovebirds alone. The new gays held hands and talked about how the American Dream was bullshit.

"Yo, the Doctor is back in the house. Also I went to Star Wars and made out with a Twi'lek," the Doctor announced.

"Hot," Nick stated, sounding very fuckboyish.

Then Daisy's baby, filled with rage about being forgotten bust in and shot the Doctor in the leg. Though the Doctor was fine, this upset Gatsby so much that he ran out and into the arms of (and bed of)… TOM, THE RACIST.

TOM, THE RACIST was not gay, in fact he was just going to seduce Gatsby to try and steal the One Ring, because he had confused the friendship between F. Scott Fitzgerald and Ernest Hemingway with that of C.S. Lewis and J. R. R. Tolkien, because racists are not very smart.

"NOO MY SON IS SLEEPING WITH TOM, THE RACIST." The Doctor yelled, crying even though no one could see it behind his sick new shades.

"Your son?"

"THAT'S WHY I SHOWED HIM STARS WARS! TO SOFTEN THE BLOW." (This explains the blonde thing, as well as the need to return to the past. THE GREAT GATSBY IS A TIME LORD!)

"Do I even have a name? Also this is fucked up." Daisy's baby was right. And also cool as hell.

"Damn, that baby is cool as hell," fuckboyed Nick.

"Time to get back at my son for making poor life decisions! Probably because he lacked a father figure! I'M GOING TO MAKE OUT WITH HIS HOMOSEXUAL!" And then the Doctor and Nick did just that. Also Daisy and Jordan were making out because why the fuck not. Everyone gets to be happy except for TOM, THE RACIST. Daisy's baby also does not get to make out with anyone because she's underage. This a law abiding fanfiction. The baby just watched, which was super creepy, but not against the law. It was super fucking creepy, though. Then the baby got kicked out of the house for being so creepy and became Naruto. But that's another story. And this one's over.

Hello all three of the people who are reading this,

It is I, Honey Badger, who you don't know, but I'm awesome. And half asleep because the other two woke me up to write this, which is okay because I was asleep in a chair in the libaray and it was really uncomfortable and now my arm hurts.

Remember to vote if you're American and can. Do it. This has been Honey Badger, as named by this random kid I found once in the back of the drama room and he has not gone away since then. Who is he? What is his purpose? We just don't know.

 ** _Don't forget to show some love and review!_**


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